An interview with Dinky door Teleport-o-Matic

ToM, chilling out in his new home

Our Dinky Doors correspondent caught up with our ‘Teleport-o-Matic’ dinky door to see how it’s settling in.

DD First off, thanks for sparing us the time, Teleport-o-Matic, we appreciate you’re a busy door.

Teleport-o-Matic Please, just call me ToM.

DD So, how are things?

ToM Well, to be honest, there’s good and bad. I’m just starting to get used to my new neighbours. They’re definitely the strong and silent types. Initially, when I landed, I thought, these guys, they’re going to be constantly warbling-on all day, what with their ringers and everything, but actually, nobody calls them. Completely silent the whole day.

DD Do you think that bothers them?

ToM No. No. They’ve got new careers now as models. You should see how many people take photos of them. It’s incredible. They must be so famous!

DD And you must be getting your fair share of fame too?

ToM teleported a spider to its death and had to give a refund.

ToM teleported a spider to its death and had to give a refund.

ToM Not so much actually. Hardly anyone notices me down here. Business is slow too. I’ve only teleported a few spiders and a half-eaten cheese and pickle sandwich. I think word got out that one of the spiders landed halfway inside a railing post, and er… well, it was very sad. I had to give a refund.

DD How far did you teleport them?

ToM 12 yards, which would have been fine, but I think they set the wrong direction. It’s not my fault my control panel is confusing.

DD You mentioned there were some bad things?

ToM Yes. I wasn’t expecting so much abuse. I’ve been kicked twice already. Both times have knocked off my air intake funnel, I’m a little unsteady on my feet now, and I suspect it’ll affect my telematics a smidgen.

DD That’s awful!

ToM Yes, if this keeps up, I think I might be moving on, to er… I’m not sure yet.

DD And the good news?

ToM Well, when people have noticed me, I’ve seen some genuine love and wonder on their faces. It’s hugely uplifting. They pointed their electronic rectangle things at me, which I think means that they’re taking photos, so I smiled as well as I could, and they all seemed very happy. Some lovely comments too, which really makes me happy to be alive.

DD That’s great. Right, well keep up the great work ToM, and good luck with Saving the world!

ToM A pleasure. Over and out.

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Splendid splendid.