An interview with Hilda, Reality Checkpoint’s resident reality checker

It’s all looking a bit scruffy… for now…

It’s all looking a bit scruffy… for now…

Dink Doors Hello Hilda, Thanks for taking the time to speak to us today

Hilda That’s no problem, just don’t be alarmed if anything weird happens whilst we’re chatting!

DD Of course, sometimes we forget reality is frequently in question at this time and place

H Yes. It’s just so perilous. Yesterday there was an erratic parade of singing carrots floating by, and last week the word ‘elbow’ momentarily vanished from the world. And that’s just the noticeable stuff. It’s a wonder, frankly, that I’m able to keep on top of checking how real reality is at all really.

DD So how are things going with that?

H There are good and bad days, but mostly it just takes so much time! I mean, if I quickly pop out for a few days of cricket or an expedition across Mongolia, I barely get time to sniff the reality vortex streams and set the indicator needle. I’m finding that I rely more on the help of passers-by to help.

DD And do you find they’re good at checking reality?

H They’re invaluable, and as far as I can tell, their assessments are accurate to within 7 points on the reality scale, which is better than I normally manage.

DD And how are you settling in to your life living inside the lamppost?

H Well, in all this frantic activity, sometimes it’s the home necessities that fall by the wayside. I hadn’t quite noticed how scruffy I’d let my place get on the outside, and crikey… you *really* don’t want to see inside…

Anyway, I’m expecting to get the builders in over the next few days. See if we can’t make everything a little more spangly.

DD Any specific plans?

H Yes!

DD Er… great! Care to elaborate?

H Yes!

DD So?

H Yes!

DD Are you ok?

H ZZnnngggghhh *pop* fZwop fzwop.

DD Right. Lovely chatting to you. Here’s hoping the restorations go well.

H Yes!

[Interview terminates]

 

H Yes!

 

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