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Gifts from above

WONDER EMPORIUM

Welcome to our online shop.

We never really expected to start the Wonder Emporium, but well, we kept seeing these things fall from the sky, and they were all so wondrous and amazing and wonderful and weird and we wondered what to do with them and then I was chatting to Basil and he said he also thought these wonders were wonderful and wondered too what we should do with them, and at about that time I saw my friend Matilda and she said she was wandering past this place the other day and wondered if it would make a good place to put these wonders she’d found and then I thought what a good idea it would be to have a place where we could collect these wonders together in one place and that’s when Basil said we should try and sell them because if people wandered by and saw these wonders they might wonder if they could buy them and I mentioned it in passing to Gunther and he said that he thought it could work and wondered what a place that sells wonders could be called and so I sat down with Basil and he wondered what names would really make it clear that we we offering wonders to people for sale and then it struck me that we should include ‘Wonder’ in the name, and Matilda liked this idea too, so we set up the Wonder Emporium. The rest is history, really.

 

Here’s our current stock (probably)

 
 
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Ice cream cone maker

An unusual wonder, but we’ve successfully used it to make the most amazingly pointy ice cream cones. We should warn you though that the cones really are perilously pointy. We had to remove a cone that got stuck in Basil’s leg, but we’re possibly certain you probably won’t have this problem. It’s industrial quality, so would suit a professional ice cream establishment, or serious home dessert maker.

Price: 3p


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Serving tray (with spillage drainage holes)

We shouldn’t admit to using the wonders we find before selling them on, but this serving tray is really quite excellent. When Basil brings me my morning cup of fried porridge, he usually spills it everywhere! With this tray, the spillages neatly drain away through the holes, making everything so much more clean. We think you’ll wonder how you ever managed before having this wonder.

Price: 3p


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Two note harmonica

Basil’s a mean musician and can play almost anything. I say almost, because he’s not managed to get a single note out of this “dy” branded harmonica no matter how hard he blows into the top. We’re certain you’ll have it making the most lovely noises when you wrap your face flaps around it, but Basil says it’s “Rubbish”. He’s so funny!

Price: 3p


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Pong ping bat

During the winter months, Basil loves to challenge me to a few games of pong ping. He takes it very seriously and even though I was initially reluctant, when he lent me this pong ping bat he found, I was thrilled. I’m selling it because I just can’t get on with it. Maybe you’ll do better, but sometimes even though I’m certain I would hit the ball, it just sails straight past me. Basil says I should just persevere because it’s a top-quality precision-engineered bat. But anyway. I’m selling it.

Price: 3p


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Clothes mannequin (Child’s)

Basil loves to make clothes for our little ones, but I’ve always been nervous about the amount of pins we need to remove from the kids after he’s been fitting some new garment on them. Only last week I found 35 pins he’d forgotten to remove from Cynthia, so this child-sized mannequin would really help. Basil says he finds it a bit frustrating though because the legs don’t bend, so we’re selling it. This would be perfect if you only make clothes for kids that sit down the whole day.

Price: 3p


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Predictor of the future

Initially when we found this, it was *So* useful. We’d glance into its mysterious swirls and we’d see ephemeral visions of the future. It was amazing. But then Basil became fixated with it and said he saw these glimpses of monsters and a huge tower with a floating eyeball of fire and so I wrapped it in a blanket and stole it away from him and vowed he’d never again look into this accursed thing. Anyway, er… maybe you’d like it? I’m sure it’s fine.

Price: 3p


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Rare Unsuccessful 3p prototype

Pfft. This is so funny. Quite how they ever thought this would be a successful 3 pence coin I have no idea. I mean, look at it! It’s just not 3p enough. Pathetic. Basil says we should keep it, says it might be valuable one day but I think it’s just a wannabe 3p, so if you’re one of those people who thinks it might be useful, I’ll happily take one of your 3p coins in exchange for this useless hunk of metal.

Price: 3p


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Head-mounted flag pole mount for your head

When Basil last went to protest the latest government nonsense, by the end of the day his arms were aching so much from having to hold up his wittily-written placard that we were looking for an alternative solution. So when this wonder fell from the sky I immediately saw it’s potential - we could mount the placard’s pole into the hole on the top, strap it to his noggin, and he’d have his arms free and still be able to see through the eye holes to navigate to his demonstration. It was perfect, but sadly he pulled a muscle in his neck and was unable to move for the next 2 months. Maybe your neck is stronger?

Price: 3p


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Forehead measuring device

Basil’s head fluctuates in size on a pretty regular basis. So when we needed to know an accurate circumference we found this device invaluable. It even has a tightening mechanism which can allow for really precise adjustments. We’d happily keep it, but little Oswald has really taken to playing with the tightener, and last time Basil’s forehead was left so misshapen that he was left unable to wear his favourite bowler hat. So, perfect for those with a firmer head that can take a bit more squeezing than Basil.

Price: 3p


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360° Spirit level

We’re not sure what we’d do without this. We can make sure almost anything is level by trying to get the black bit to sit in the middle of the domey bit. The only downside seems to be that you need to use it upside down. Basil says Australians would find it far more useful because they could use it the right way up. I’m not sure I totally agree with Basil’s logic, but it’d be amazing to think that one of our wonders wanders over to the other side of the planet, so reluctantly I’m selling it.

Price: 3p


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Numberwang Calculator

Basil’s not very good with numbers, and it’s why to this day I’ve not entrusted him with the accounts for the Wonder Emporium. That said, when this wonder arrived, we found its ability to calculate numbers really top-notch. If we give it a good kick, it changes number to a different number than the number is was showing before, so when we need to know a number, one quick kick and we have a number. Sometimes we play along with the Numberwang quiz, and we always seem to win! We’ve got no idea how the Numberwang contestants do it without one of these calculators. They must be very clever. Anyway, always winning at Numberwang isn’t as much fun as it sounds, so we’re selling it.

Price: 3p


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360° Spirit level (left-handed)

It’s incredibly rare to have two of the same items of stock, and for a while we thought we’d got that, but when Basil tried to use this spirit level it was obvious it was for left-handed people. We’re both right-handed obviously, so it’s completely useless to us. If you’re one of those left-handed weirdos, then I’m sure you’ll be delighted with this.

Price: 3p


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Ceremonial party crown

Basil says that he’d like to become royal one day. He thinks it’s a pretty easy job with lots of travel and it must be paid well because you get to have your own boats, palaces and things made out of gold. He sent in his CV, but curiously hasn’t heard anything back. We felt sure it was going to happen because at about the same time, this wonder fell from above. It’s almost the perfect crown. Almost. Apparently it’s not gold enough, according to Basil. Maybe it’s only really appropriate if you plan on pretending to be royal, like at a party for example. Useless to us then, seeing as we never go to parties.

Price: 3p


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Designer foot stool

I’m very much in two minds about whether to sell this incredibly useful foot stool. It’s so stylishly modern! Thing is, Basil’s really tall… well, sort of, he’s got disproportionately long arms, so he has no problem reaching the wonders on the top shelf. But for me, I need something to stand on, and this designer foot stool has been a wonder. The problem is that we’re just not selling… anything really. So I haven’t needed to use the stool in months. I’m sure someone else would get much more use out of it. I’ll just get Basil to do anything top shelf related.

Price: 3p


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Flan dish (slightly broken)

Basil loves my flans. He’d eat them everyday if he could. Anyway, I’ve been using this flan dish for a while, but being honest, it’s not ideal because it makes my flans lop-sided. The other day, in some kind of miracle from above we were gifted a replacement flan dish with almost no wonk in it at all. That’s made this one a bit redundant for us, but I’m sure it’ll be just dandy for you, assuming you don’t mind wonky flans.

Price: 3p


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Open-sided handbag

For our anniversary last year Basil gave me this most-wondrous wonder, and I’ve been using it as a handbag for VERY special occasions ever since. It’s just so very pretty and Basil assures me that it’s made of real diamonds and pearls, though I’ve known him long enough to know he might not be being wholly honest with the truth. I’m only selling it because I’m finding I lose so many things when I put them into the bag. Maybe it’d be more useful if it had another side, but that’s just me guessing how it could be improved. A beautiful object to adorn your most-fabulous outfits.

Price: 3p


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Aliens commemorative plate?

When we found this, we were most puzzled. It’s come from above, yet carries the branding of our shop. Is it from aliens? Was it sent to us on purpose? Basil stuck it to our living room wall alongside some flying ducks, and it kinda looked ok there, but we just can’t help but find it a bit spooky. It feels like there might be some world above us that knows what’s going on, and we’re just ignorant to their manipulative machinations. A bit like that Truman show film. So yes, we’re selling it because it gives us the creeps.

Price: 3p


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Spy hat

Basil’s been taking evening classes in surveillance, so when this wonder fell from above, it was the perfect hat to conceal a camera within. On his first mission to record the mysterious customers of that nearby Teleportation Service, people spotted the camera and scampishly teleported him all the way to the Emailerator. It took him *ages* to walk back. He’s not so keen on it any more and said he didn’t want to risk using his spy hat ever again. So it could be yours, instead. Basil says the camera part is really discreet. I’m sure you can trust him on that.

Price: 3p

 

Thanks for browsing! Hopefully you found something you like.